Theology of Presence, Part 3: Presence in Seasons of Suffering
A biblical and pastoral study of God’s nearness and the ministry of presence to those who suffer

About This Series

The Ministry of Presence in Grief

Presence in Illness and Chronic Suffering

Presence with Older Adults

Presence in Dementia and Cognitive Decline

Presence with Caregivers and Families

Presence at the End of Life and After Death

Bibliography

About This Series

This document is one of four parts of the study Theology of Presence: Walking with Others in the Compassion, Truth, and Hope of Christ, a biblical and pastoral study of God’s nearness and the ministry of presence to those who suffer. Each part can be read on its own, though the four are meant to be read together.

Part 3 applies the ministry of presence to particular seasons of suffering: grief, illness and chronic suffering, aging, dementia, the needs of caregivers and families, and the end of life and the time after death.

The four parts are:

Part 1: The God Who Draws Near

Part 2: The Heart and Practices of Presence

Part 3: Presence in Seasons of Suffering

Part 4: Sustaining a Ministry of Presence

The Ministry of Presence in Grief

Significance

Sooner or later almost everyone loses someone they love. Grief is the natural cost of love, and it changes the shape of ordinary days. Christians sometimes feel they must hide sorrow to prove their faith is strong. Scripture says otherwise. It gives believers words for tears, questions, and longing, and it shows Jesus weeping at a grave. This section offers a gentle, biblical way to stay near grieving people: to listen, to remember, to help in practical ways, and to hold hope without using it to silence sorrow. Some who read it are grieving themselves. Please read slowly, and take as much time as you need.

Key Biblical Texts

John 11:32–36 Then, when Mary came where Jesus was, and saw Him, she fell down at His feet, saying to Him, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.” Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. And He said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how He loved him!”

1 Thessalonians 4:13 But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope.

Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.

Psalm 13:1–2 How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, Having sorrow in my heart daily?

Theological Explanation

Grief is not faithlessness. Scripture does not describe a faith that feels no pain. It gives believers language for sorrow, protest, confusion, loneliness, and longing. Psalm 13 begins with four repeated “How long?” questions. Psalm 42 speaks of tears as food day and night. Psalm 88 is remarkable because it ends in darkness, with no turn toward praise, and it still stands in the canon as prayer. God includes it so that people in unrelieved sorrow know they are not outside the faith. Lament, as one evangelical introduction puts it, is grief brought to God together with a resolve to keep trusting him, and sorrow held together with hope.[1] The same article warns that sorrow without hope becomes despair, and it also notes that many Christians feel they lack permission to lament. A caregiver can give that permission. Mark Vroegop’s Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy presents lament as a prayerful movement through pain toward trust, a book recommended in the research file.[2]

Jesus grieves. At the tomb of Lazarus, Mary falls at Jesus’ feet with a hard sentence: “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:32). Jesus does not rebuke her. He sees her weeping, “groaned in the spirit and was troubled” (the verb ἐνεβριμήσατο expresses deep inward agitation; to confirm in BDAG), and He weeps (ἐδάκρυσεν, John 11:35). This happens even though He knows He is about to raise Lazarus. He does not wait for the miracle before He feels. Before He demonstrates His power over death, He enters their sorrow. The bystanders say, “See how He loved him!” That is the model: love that weeps.

We weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15 gives one of the shortest and most demanding commands of the Christian life. The verb κλαίειν means to weep aloud, and the command is to weep μετὰ κλαιόντων, with the weeping. It does not say to stop their weeping or explain it. The instruction is to be beside.

Hope is real, and it must be spoken wisely. Paul does not tell the Thessalonians not to sorrow. He says they should not sorrow “as others who have no hope” (1 Thess 4:13). The Greek verb λυπέω is the ordinary word for grief, so Paul assumes believers will grieve; the contrast is in the kind of grief. The hope is the resurrection of Jesus and the gathering of believers to the Lord (1 Thess 4:14–18). Yet hope is not a lid on sorrow. The same Jesus who promised life wept. Ecclesiastes 3:1–8 reminds us there is “a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” A caregiver may speak of resurrection hope gently, perhaps by sharing a psalm or a promise, but not in order to close a conversation. The comfort of the resurrection is best received by a person who first felt heard.

Presence in practice. The research file for this study lists what a ministry of presence with the grieving should do: permit tears; avoid demanding recovery; avoid using resurrection hope to silence present sorrow; remember significant dates; continue contact after the funeral; allow the story to be told repeatedly; recognize that family members grieve differently; offer practical help; pray without preaching; and speak of hope without denying pain. Each of these is a small act of love.

The funeral is not the end of grief. Birthdays, anniversaries of the death, holidays, and quiet Sunday afternoons can reopen the wound. A card, a call, or a plate of food months later says, “We have not forgotten.”

Telling the story matters. Many mourners need to say the same account of the last days, or of a favorite memory, again and again. This is not repetition for its own sake; it is how a loss becomes bearable. Accept it with patience. Ask, “Tell me about them.”

Families grieve differently. One person talks, another works, another withdraws. A caregiver can gently normalize these differences and avoid taking sides.

What to say and not say. Some well-meant words close a conversation or shift attention from the grieving person. The following table pairs the statements the research file lists as harmful with the more faithful responses it recommends, with a short note about why. The pairing is a teaching aid, not a script. Use your own voice.

Statements to avoid (and why)	More faithful responses
“Everything happens for a reason.” Why: it claims to explain what only God knows, and it can sound like the loss was meant to happen.	“I do not have an explanation, but I am willing to remain with you.”
“God needed another angel.” Why: it is not found in Scripture and can make God seem to take people to meet his own need.	“I am deeply sorry.”
“At least they are no longer suffering.” Why: it may be true, yet it turns a person from their own loss toward a silver lining.	“Tell me about them.”
“You need to be strong.” Why: it asks the mourner to hide tears when Scripture permits them.	“You do not have to carry this alone.”
“You should be over this by now.” Why: grief has no timetable, and this adds shame to sorrow.	“I will continue to remember you.”
“God never gives us more than we can handle.” Why: this phrase is not in Scripture, and the apostle Paul himself spoke of being burdened beyond strength (2 Cor 1:8).	“I am here with you.”
“Do not cry; they are in a better place.” Why: it silences tears that Jesus himself shed.	“What would be most helpful today?”
“I know exactly how you feel.” Why: no one knows exactly, and it moves attention to the speaker.	“May I pray with you?”

Grief after a long marriage. The loss of a husband or wife after many years is a particular kind of sorrow. The one who has died was often the person who knew the mourner best: the keeper of shared memories, the companion at the table, the voice in the next room. Grief may be felt in the body, in the silence of the house, in a half-made bed, in a habit that no longer has a purpose. The mourner may find the evenings and the early mornings hardest. A caregiver does well to speak the name of the person who died, to ask for a memory or a story, and to say that they are glad to hear it. Do not hurry the widow or widower toward new routines, new friends, or a smaller house. Keep inviting them for a meal, a walk, or a ride to church, and accept it if they say no for a while. Small, steady kindness says what words cannot.

Companions for the road. Several writers have walked with grief, and the research file recommends them as resources, though none is a substitute for Scripture. Nicholas Wolterstorff’s Lament for a Son is a personal reflection by a Christian philosopher on the death of his son, showing how faith and deep grief can exist together. C. S. Lewis recorded his own bereavement in A Grief Observed; the research file advises using it alongside his more philosophical The Problem of Pain, with care. Gerald Sittser’s A Grace Disguised reflects on catastrophic loss and the long process of living after it. Alan Wolfelt’s Companioning the Bereaved distinguishes “treating” grief from companioning grieving people, an idea that can be useful when weighed within a biblical framework.[3]

When grief needs more than a friend. Most grief, however painful, is not an illness, and most mourners do not need a counselor. But sometimes sorrow becomes so heavy that a person cannot function over a long time. Signs that call for gentle encouragement toward help include: no relief after many months and a worsening rather than a softening; inability to eat, sleep, or care for oneself; persistent hopelessness; strong guilt that does not ease; withdrawal from all people; or any talk of wanting to die or to join the person who died. A lay caregiver does not diagnose. We are not able to tell the difference between deep grief and a medical or mental-health condition, and we should not try. Referral is an act of love, not a failure of faith. Encourage the person to speak with a physician, a licensed counselor, or the pastor, and offer to go along. If a person speaks of suicide or of harming themselves, take it seriously, stay with them, and contact emergency services (911 in the United States) or the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988, United States).[4] Do not leave someone in immediate danger alone.

Plain-Language Definitions

• Lament: an honest prayer of sorrow and protest brought to God, which still trusts him.
• Grief: the whole response of heart, body, mind, and faith to the loss of someone loved.
• Complicated grief: sorrow that remains so intense and disabling that professional help may be needed; a trained professional, not a lay caregiver, makes that judgment.
• Companioning: staying alongside a grieving person without trying to cure or hurry their grief.
• Resurrection hope: the Christian confidence, grounded in Christ’s rising, that death is not the end for those who belong to him.

Examples

A composite example, not a real person. Anna’s husband died in the spring after fifty-two years of marriage. For weeks the church brought meals. By autumn the meals had stopped. A woman from her class, Joan, began to call each Thursday. She never asked how Anna was “doing.” She asked, “What was today like?” One Thursday Anna described the way her husband had hummed while washing the dishes. Joan said, “Tell me more about that.” On the anniversary of his death Joan sent a note: “Thinking of you and of him today.” Anna kept it in her Bible.

A biblical example. When Lazarus died, Martha and Mary were visited by many friends who had come “to comfort them concerning their brother” (John 11:19). The comfort of the neighbors is real but limited; it is Jesus who comes, speaks with Martha about the resurrection, and then weeps with Mary. The Gospel shows both the helpfulness of community and the nearness of Christ.

Pastoral Cautions

• Do not set a timeline for grief or compare one person’s sorrow to another’s.
• Do not use resurrection hope to quiet tears. Speak of hope only after you have listened, and gently.
• Do not suggest that a death was God’s punishment or a lesson for the mourner (John 9:1–3).
• Do not tell your own loss story to redirect attention. Offer a brief shared experience only if it truly helps.
• Do not give medical or psychological advice, and do not discourage medication or counseling.
• Watch for signs that grief has become disabling, and encourage professional help. In danger, call 911 or 988 (United States).

Practical Application

1. Go, and be present, even when you have no words. Say, “I am so sorry. I am here.”
2. Permit tears. Offer tissues and no hurry.
3. Ask, “Tell me about them,” and listen without correcting the story.
4. Offer specific help: a meal, a ride, yard work, paperwork, a quiet afternoon visit.
5. Write down dates (birthday, anniversary, date of death) and send a note or call.
6. Keep in touch after the funeral for months and years, not weeks.
7. Pray briefly and without preaching, asking permission first.
8. Read a psalm of lament, such as Psalm 13 or 42, if the person welcomes it.
9. Be aware that family members grieve differently, and avoid taking sides.
10. Know your limits. Encourage a doctor or counselor when grief seems too heavy, and use 911 or 988 for crises.

Reflection Questions

Discussion Questions

1. Why does John 11 record that Jesus wept, even though He was about to raise Lazarus?
2. What does Paul mean by sorrowing “not as others who have no hope” (1 Thess 4:13)?
3. Which statements in the table have you heard or said? What might you say now instead?

Application Questions

1. Whom in your congregation is quietly still grieving after the funeral? What small step could you take this month?
2. How can your class or church remember anniversaries and holidays for those who mourn?
3. What would help you recognize when to encourage someone to seek a counselor or physician?

Personal Reflection

If you are carrying a loss of your own, bring it honestly to God, perhaps by praying a psalm of lament in your own words, and let him be near you in it. You do not have to be further along than you are.

Suggested Prayer

Lord Jesus, you wept at a grave, and you are near to the brokenhearted. Be near to those who mourn today. Teach us to sit beside them with patience, to speak gently, and to hope in you. Hold us when we cannot hold ourselves. Amen.

Recommended Resources

Resources are listed by author and title as described in the research file.[5]

• Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament for a Son: a father’s honest reflection on faith in grief.
• C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed: a record of bereavement in his own words.
• Gerald L. Sittser, A Grace Disguised: loss and the long road afterward.
• Mark Vroegop, Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: an evangelical guide to lament.

Presence in Illness and Chronic Suffering

Significance

Illness rarely arrives alone. It brings pain and tiredness, but also fear, waiting rooms, money worries, and the quiet loss of the person’s usual place in family and church. Long illness can leave a person feeling forgotten once the first casseroles have been eaten. Because God has drawn near to suffering people in Christ, his people are free to draw near too, without needing to explain, fix, or hurry. This section asks how ordinary believers can sit with the sick as companions, honor the person behind the diagnosis, and work alongside doctors and nurses, trusting that God is already present in the room.

Key Biblical Texts

John 9:1–3 Now as Jesus passed by, He saw a man who was blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, saying, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him.”

2 Corinthians 12:9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Matthew 25:36 I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.

Other passages discussed below are Job 2:11–13; Psalm 41:1–3; and James 5:13–16.[6]

Theological Explanation

Illness is not a verdict. The disciples in John 9 ask the question many sufferers still hear, whether someone sinned. Jesus refuses the premise. The man’s blindness is not explained as punishment; instead Jesus turns attention toward what God will do and then toward the man himself. Job’s friends make the opposite mistake. They begin well, since for seven days they sit with Job on the ground and say nothing (Job 2:11–13), but they go wrong when they start explaining his pain by his supposed guilt, and God later rebukes them (Job 42:7). A visitor who guesses at reasons for another person’s illness adds a second wound to the first.

God’s strength meets us in weakness. Paul prayed three times that his thorn in the flesh would be removed (2 Cor 12:7–10). The answer was not removal but presence: “My grace is sufficient for you.” The Greek word for weakness, ἀσθένεια, covers bodily illness as well as general frailty (to confirm in BDAG).[7] Paul does not call weakness good in itself. He says that Christ’s power finds room to rest on him there. This is honest and gentle teaching for people whose prayers for healing have not been answered in the way they hoped. It also guards the visitor from pronouncing that every sickness must end in recovery.

Caring for the sick is caring for Christ. In Matthew 25:36 Jesus names visiting the sick among the acts that show who belongs to him. The verb behind “visited,” ἐπισκέπτομαι, means to look at, look after, and care for someone (to confirm in BDAG).[8] Psalm 41:1–3 says the Lord sustains the one who considers the weak and “will sustain him on his sickbed.” Visiting is therefore not a social extra. It is a way of meeting Jesus and of sharing his own attention to the sick.

The church prays and anoints, without promising outcomes. James 5:13–16 asks the sick person to call the elders of the church, who pray over the sick and anoint with oil in the name of the Lord, and it connects prayer, confession where needed, and mutual care. Christians read this passage in different ways, and the congregation should follow its own tradition and leadership. What the passage clearly shows is that the sick are not left alone and that the church comes to them. It does not give lay visitors a formula that guarantees healing, and nowhere does Scripture tell us that unanswered prayer means weak faith.

The person is more than a diagnosis. Nouwen’s writing on hospitality, as described in the research file, speaks of making a free and friendly space where a person is received without being controlled.[9] That means asking about the person’s life, not only the lab results, and letting the visit go where the sick friend wishes.

Whole-person care. The body, mind, and spirit are not rivals. A Lausanne Movement article on mental health in the church says that the church can offer safety, hospitality, friendship, and practical help, and that it should connect people with trustworthy professional resources and cooperate with those who provide treatment.[10] Prayer and medical care belong together. A faithful visitor never urges someone to stop treatment or to treat counsel from a doctor as a lack of faith.

When healing does not come. Long illness brings a particular grief: the hope of recovery that fades month by month. The psalms of lament (for example Psalm 13 and Psalm 88) give words to this disappointment without scolding the sufferer. Our task is to let the person say, “I am tired and I am disappointed,” and to stay.

Plain-Language Definitions

• Chronic illness: a health condition that lasts for a long time and often cannot be cured, only managed.
• Visitation: a planned, respectful visit made in Christ’s name to a person who is unwell.
• Whole-person care: care that attends to body, mind, relationships, and spirit together.
• Anointing: the setting-apart act in James 5 in which elders put oil on a sick person while praying.

Examples

A composite example, not a real person. Ruth, in her sixties, has lived with a painful autoimmune condition for years. After the first months, fewer cards arrive. A church friend named Walt asks by text whether Thursday afternoon would suit. He brings nothing but a thermos of tea, asks about Ruth’s garden, listens for forty minutes, and leaves when she begins to tire. He returns two weeks later. Ruth later says it was the first time in a year that someone had not asked how she was “doing” and then looked away.

Biblical example. In Job 2:11–13 three friends sit with Job in silence for seven days. Their silence was the best thing they did. Only when they started to explain did they fail him.

Pastoral Cautions

• Never suggest that sickness is punishment for sin (John 9:1–3), or that more faith would bring healing.
• Do not promise that prayer will result in recovery.
• Do not recommend treatments, supplements, or the stopping of medication; refer medical questions to the person’s doctor or nurse.
• If a person speaks of wanting to die or hurt themselves, stay with them and contact emergency services (911 in the United States) or the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988).[11]
• In any medical emergency, call 911 first and pray afterward.
• Do not repeat private medical details to others.

Practical Application

1. Arrange the visit ahead of time rather than arriving unannounced.
2. Keep the visit short and suited to the person’s energy.
3. Sit where the person can see and hear you comfortably.
4. Follow the person’s lead; some days they want to talk about anything but the illness.
5. Listen more than you speak, and allow silence.
6. Do not investigate private medical details, compare illnesses, or prescribe treatments.
7. Ask permission before you pray or read Scripture.
8. Leave before the visit becomes tiring.
9. Follow up later with a card, a call, or another visit, especially after the crisis has passed.
10. Offer specific help, such as a ride to an appointment or an hour of company.

Reflection Questions

Discussion Questions

1. Why did Jesus decline to link the man’s blindness with sin in John 9, and how should that shape our words in a hospital room?
2. What did Paul’s “thorn” teach him about grace, and what might it teach someone who has prayed for healing for years?
3. How can a congregation keep praying for the sick while being honest that healing does not always come?

Application Questions

1. Who in our congregation has been ill for a long time and may feel forgotten?
2. Which of the twelve visiting practices do you find hardest, and why?
3. How could our church work more closely with nurses, doctors, and counselors in our community?

Personal Reflection

Think of a time you were sick or watched someone you love suffer. What did people say or do that helped, and what, however well meant, did not? Bring both memories honestly to God.

Suggested Prayer

Lord Jesus, you were moved by the sick and you did not turn away. Teach me to sit, to listen, and to stay. Keep me from easy answers. Let your grace be enough for those I visit, and for me. Give wisdom to doctors and nurses, patience to families, and rest to those who are weary. Amen.

Recommended Resources

Not directly consulted this session.[12]

• Henri Nouwen, The Wounded Healer: on woundedness and compassionate ministry.
• Mark Vroegop, Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: an evangelical introduction to biblical lament.
• Paul Tournier, A Listening Ear: on attention to the whole person.

Presence with Older Adults

Significance

Growing older brings gifts, and it also brings losses: a spouse or friends who have died, a home left behind, a body that no longer does what it did, and sometimes the sense of no longer being needed. Our culture often values people for what they produce. The Bible does not. It treats long life as a blessing and the aged as people to honor, and it promises that God himself carries his people into their last years. A congregation that practices presence with older adults reminds them, and itself, that no one’s worth depends on usefulness.

Key Biblical Texts

Psalm 71:9, 18 Do not cast me off in the time of old age; Do not forsake me when my strength fails. . . . Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, do not forsake me, Until I declare Your strength to this generation, Your power to everyone who is to come.

Isaiah 46:4 Even to your old age, I am He, And even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; Even I will carry, and will deliver you.

Psalm 92:14 They shall still bear fruit in old age; They shall be fresh and flourishing.

Other passages discussed below are Psalm 90:1–12; Luke 2:25–38; Proverbs 16:31; Leviticus 19:32; and 1 Timothy 5:1–2.[13]

Theological Explanation

Worth does not depend on productivity. Psalm 71 is the prayer of an old believer who fears being set aside: “Do not cast me off in the time of old age.” The psalmist does not ask for his old strength back. He asks for God’s nearness, and he also wants to keep speaking of God’s power to the next generation. Both are true together. The old person needs care and still has a testimony. Isaiah 46:3–4 makes God’s own promise very plain. He has carried Israel from birth, and he will go on carrying them “even to gray hairs.” The people of God do not carry God; God carries them.

Time is short, and wisdom is learned. Psalm 90:1–12 reflects on the brevity of human life against the eternity of God and asks, “teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” This is not a gloomy psalm. It is the prayer of people who have learned that God is their dwelling place in every generation.

Honor is commanded. Leviticus 19:32 tells Israel to rise before the gray-headed and honor the presence of an old man. The Hebrew word for gray hair, שֵׂיבָה, and the word for the elder, זָקֵן, appear in verses that join respect for the aged with fear of God (to confirm in HALOT and BDB).[14] Proverbs 16:31 calls the silver-haired head “a crown of glory” when it is found in the way of righteousness. Honor is not flattery. It is the recognition that every person bears God’s image to the very end.

Older believers give. Luke 2:25–38 introduces Simeon and Anna. Simeon is “just and devout” and waiting for Israel’s consolation; Anna, a widow of great age, “did not depart from the temple, but served God with fasting and prayers night and day.” Both recognize the infant Jesus and speak of him to others. God used two old people, one who held the child and one who proclaimed him, at the very moment the Messiah appeared. Psalm 92:12–15 promises that the righteous “shall still bear fruit in old age.” Older Christians are not only recipients of ministry. They are members of the body of Christ who pray, bless, teach, and remember. This echoes the research file’s emphasis that ministry is not done only for older adults.[15]

The church as family. Paul tells Timothy to treat older men as fathers and older women as mothers (1 Tim 5:1–2). The congregation is a household, and a household does not forget its elders. For those whose families live far away or have died, the church may be the nearest family they have.

Loneliness is a real concern. The National Institute on Aging says that everyone needs social connections, that people often spend more time alone as they age, and that social isolation and loneliness can put physical and mental health at risk.[16] For a congregation, this means that visiting, phoning, and driving someone to a gathering are not merely courtesies. They protect the people we love.

Plain-Language Definitions

• Social isolation: having few contacts with other people, whether or not the person feels lonely.
• Loneliness: the painful feeling of being alone or disconnected.
• Homebound: unable to leave home easily because of health or mobility.
• Intergenerational: involving young and old together.

Examples

A composite example, not a real person. Harold, 84, moved to an assisted-living apartment after his wife died. At first the church sent flowers. Then the calls stopped. A teenager named Mia, assigned to bring him the Sunday bulletin, began to stay for half an hour. Harold told her about building barns and about the hymns he loved. Mia learned some of those hymns. Months later Harold was asked to pray at a youth gathering, and people said it was the best prayer they had heard.

Biblical example. Anna in Luke 2 had little power, yet she spoke about Jesus “to all those who looked for redemption in Jerusalem.”

Pastoral Cautions

• Do not speak to older adults as if they were children, or about them as if they were not in the room.
• Do not assume that an older person is lonely or needy; ask and listen.
• Do not take over decisions that the person is able to make.
• Watch for signs of neglect, abuse, or unsafe living conditions, and report concerns to the proper authorities; in an emergency, call 911.[17]
• Refer concerns about memory, depression, or medication to the person’s doctor or family.

Practical Application

1. Visit regularly, not only at Christmas or Easter.
2. Offer rides to worship and appointments.
3. Bring communion to homebound members when your congregation’s practice allows it and leaders have arranged it.
4. Make short, regular telephone calls.
5. Read Scripture aloud, and choose large-print or audio helps where eyes or ears are failing.
6. Invite life stories, and write them down if the person wishes.
7. Include older adults in prayer, teaching, and congregational decisions.
8. Adapt communication: face the person, speak clearly, and reduce background noise.
9. Keep in touch after a move to assisted living or nursing care.
10. Support family caregivers.

Reflection Questions

Discussion Questions

1. What do Psalm 71 and Isaiah 46 teach about who carries whom in old age?
2. How do Simeon and Anna challenge the idea that older people are mainly receivers of ministry?
3. What does it mean to treat an older person “as a father” or “as a mother” (1 Tim 5:1–2)?

Application Questions

1. Who in our congregation has not been visited or called in the last three months?
2. What gifts of prayer, wisdom, or story could we invite older members to share?
3. How could young and old be paired in simple, respectful ways?

Personal Reflection

Think of an older person who shaped your faith. What did they give you, and have you told them? Consider how you hope to be treated when your own strength fails.

Suggested Prayer

Faithful God, you carried us from birth and you will carry us to gray hairs. Bless our older brothers and sisters. Keep them from feeling forgotten. Help us honor them, learn from them, and receive their prayers. Where they are alone, send them friends. Where they are weary, hold them. Amen.

Recommended Resources

Not directly consulted this session.[18]

• Henri Nouwen, Adam: God’s Beloved: on worth and love apart from visible ability.
• Henri Nouwen, Our Greatest Gift: on aging, dying, and the final season of life.
• Thomas C. Oden, Pastoral Theology: Essentials of Ministry: pastoral care, visitation, and death.

Presence in Dementia and Cognitive Decline

Significance

Few experiences frighten people more than the thought of forgetting who they are, or of watching someone they love slowly forget. Dementia changes memory, speech, and sometimes personality, and it can leave families grieving a person who is still living. Scripture speaks to this fear. It teaches that a person’s identity rests in God’s love and God’s remembering, not in how well that person can remember. The church is called to remain, patiently and gently, with those whose abilities are changing and with the families who walk beside them.

Key Biblical Texts

Isaiah 49:15–16 “Can a woman forget her nursing child, And not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me.”

Psalm 103:15–17 As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, And its place remembers it no more. But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting On those who fear Him.

Other passages discussed below are Psalm 139:1–18; Psalm 71:9; Isaiah 46:3–4; and Galatians 6:2.[19]

Theological Explanation

Identity rests in God, not in memory. Scripture never defines a person by a list of abilities. People are made in God’s image (Gen 1:27) and are known by him before they know anything (Ps 139:1–16). Psalm 139 says that God has searched and known the psalmist, that he is acquainted with all his ways, and that his hand will hold him. None of that depends on the psalmist’s remembering it. The psalm describes God’s knowledge of us, not our knowledge of God.

God remembers us. Isaiah 49:15 grants that a mother might, in a rare tragedy, forget her nursing child. Even then, God says, “I will not forget you.” The Hebrew verb שָׁכַח means to forget, and the promise is paired with the picture of a name written, or “inscribed,” on God’s palms, from חָקַק (to confirm in HALOT and BDB).[20] Psalm 103 admits that human life is brief and that a person’s place may be forgotten: “its place remembers it no more.” Yet the mercy of the LORD is “from everlasting to everlasting.” Our fading memory is set against God’s unfading faithfulness. Isaiah 46:3–4 and Psalm 71:9 confirm that God carries his people into old age.

John Swinton’s contribution. The research file points to John Swinton’s Dementia: Living in the Memories of God, which argues that people living with dementia remain held in God’s memory and in the memory of the community, so that the church’s task is to remember and to belong with them. We have not consulted the book directly, and the summary here comes from the research file and general knowledge. It should be confirmed before teaching.[21] The idea fits the biblical texts above and shifts the question from “What can this person still do?” to “Who are we as a body that does not forget them?”

Scripture does not tell us what a person understands. The Bible does not explain how a person with advanced dementia experiences prayer or worship. Because of that, we make no promise about what someone does or does not grasp spiritually. We can say that God knows the person fully, that the Spirit intercedes for us in our weakness (Rom 8:26), and that there is no reason to think God withdraws from anyone. Our task is to love in ways the person can receive.

Communicating with kindness. Practical care follows from respect.

• Use short, simple sentences, one idea at a time, and a calm tone.
• Introduce yourself kindly each time without quizzing: “Hello, I’m Anna, from church. It is good to see you.”
• Do not correct or test. If the person says something mistaken, look for the feeling behind the words rather than arguing about facts.
• Keep a regular routine; familiar times, places, and faces help.
• Use music. Familiar hymns and songs often remain available when other words are hard to find. The same is true of familiar Scripture such as Psalm 23, the Lord’s Prayer, or a loved blessing.
• Offer touch where it is welcomed, such as a held hand, and watch the person’s face and posture for signs of comfort or distress.
• Be patient with repetition. Answer the fifth question as warmly as the first.

Worship and belonging. Because identity is not a matter of memory, a person with dementia remains a member of the body. Worship services can include them through hymns, simple liturgy, a seat near friends, and a quiet room if the sanctuary becomes overwhelming. The body is bound together by Christ, and the rule of Galatians 6:2 applies: “Bear one another’s burdens.”

Avoid infantilizing. Adults with dementia are adults. Speak simply but never in baby talk, and let the person keep as much choice and dignity as possible.

Plain-Language Definitions

• Dementia: a group of conditions that gradually affect memory, thinking, and daily living; it is not a normal part of being old and needs medical assessment.
• Cognitive decline: a lessening of memory or thinking ability.
• Validation: responding to the feeling behind someone’s words rather than correcting the facts.
• Remembered by God: the biblical truth that God’s knowledge of a person does not depend on the person’s own memory.

Examples

A composite example, not a real person. Margaret taught Sunday school for forty years. Now, in a memory-care home, she often does not recognize her children. A church volunteer named Tom brings a hymnal on Wednesdays. He does not ask whether she remembers him. He hums “Be Thou My Vision,” and Margaret begins to sing every verse. She does not know Tom’s name, but she is calm and smiling when he leaves. Her daughter says this is the closest she has felt to her mother in a year.

Biblical example. Isaiah 49 declares that the people of God are never forgotten, even when they think they are: “my Lord has forgotten me” is answered with “I will not forget you.”

Pastoral Cautions

• Do not test memory (“Do you know who I am?”) or argue about facts.
• Do not claim to know what the person understands or does not understand spiritually.
• Do not speak about the person in front of them as if they were absent.
• Do not treat the person as a child.
• Gently encourage a medical evaluation if memory changes are new; a doctor can check for treatable causes.
• Call 911 in an emergency, such as a fall, wandering into danger, or a sudden change in alertness, and report suspected neglect or abuse to authorities.[22]

Practical Application

1. Visit at the person’s best time of day, often morning.
2. Speak simply and slowly, with eye contact.
3. Sing hymns the person has known for decades.
4. Read familiar Scripture aloud, especially Psalm 23 and other well-loved Psalms.
5. Offer a held hand if the person welcomes it.
6. Keep routine and avoid crowded or noisy settings.
7. Never correct, quiz, or argue.
8. Keep inviting the person to worship, with a quiet place available.
9. Continue visiting after a move to memory care, even if the person no longer recognizes you.
10. Support the family with practical help and prayer.

Reflection Questions

Discussion Questions

1. What does Isaiah 49:15–16 say about the difference between our remembering God and God’s remembering us?
2. How does the idea that the church “remembers” a person with dementia change how we visit?
3. What might it look like for worship to include people with memory loss?

Application Questions

1. Which hymns or Psalms might be recorded or learned so that we can use them in visits?
2. How can we prepare our members to respond kindly when someone repeats a question or confuses a name?
3. Who in our church is quietly caring for a spouse or parent with dementia?

Personal Reflection

Consider your own fears about forgetting or being forgotten. Bring them to God, and rest for a few minutes in the truth that he holds you whether you remember or not.

Suggested Prayer

Father, you know each of us by name, and you do not forget. Hold those whose memories are fading. Give their families strength and tenderness. Teach us to sing, to sit, and to stay, and to love people as you love them. Let no one be left alone. Amen.

Recommended Resources

Not directly consulted this session.[23]

• John Swinton, Dementia: Living in the Memories of God: on identity, memory, and the church’s responsibility to remain.
• John Swinton, Raging with Compassion: on suffering, disability, and the church.
• Henri Nouwen, Adam: God’s Beloved: on worth apart from ability.

Presence with Caregivers and Families

Significance

Behind many people who are ill, aging, or dying stands someone who is quietly worn out: a spouse who has not slept through the night in months, a daughter who drives two hours every weekend, a husband who cooks, lifts, and fills out forms. Caregivers often care so much for another person that nobody asks how they are. The body of Christ is called to hold up those who hold up others. Presence with caregivers means seeing them, helping them in concrete ways, and giving them permission to rest and to grieve.

Key Biblical Texts

Galatians 6:2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Exodus 17:12 But Moses’ hands became heavy; so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it. And Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.

Mark 6:31 And He said to them, “Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.” For there were many coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat.

Other passages discussed below are Romans 12:15; Psalm 55:22; and Matthew 11:28–30.[24]

Theological Explanation

Burdens are to be shared. In Galatians 6:2 Paul uses the word βάρος, a heavy weight, for what believers are to carry for one another (to confirm in BDAG).[25] He calls this the “law of Christ,” the pattern of Christ’s own self-giving love. Caregiving is one of the heaviest burdens a family can carry, and Paul does not say that the family must carry it alone. In the same chapter he adds that each person also carries a load of his own (Gal 6:5), which reminds us that sharing burdens does not take away the caregiver’s own responsibility and dignity. We come alongside; we do not take over.

Aaron and Hur. In Exodus 17, Israel prevails in battle while Moses’ hands are raised. When Moses tires, Aaron and Hur do not argue, give advice, or ask him to try harder. They find a stone for him to sit on and hold up his arms until sunset. Caregivers also need someone to put a stone under them and to hold up their arms.

Even Jesus withdrew to rest. Mark 6:31 shows Jesus, surrounded by needs, inviting the disciples to rest. The word translated “rest,” ἀναπαύω, can mean to give or take rest (to confirm in BDAG).[26] Rest is not selfishness. A caregiver who rests is obeying a pattern Jesus set, and the church should make it possible.

The weight caregivers carry. Caregivers often experience several things at once.

• Fatigue. Broken sleep and long days wear down body and spirit.
• Anticipatory grief. Many mourn before the person has died, grieving the loss of a spouse’s mind, a parent’s strength, or a future they had planned. This is real grief, not disloyalty.
• Guilt. Caregivers often feel they should do more, or feel relief and then feel guilty about that relief.
• Financial strain. Care costs money and may cost income.
• Role changes. A wife may become a nurse, a child may become a parent to a parent, and a long marriage may feel different.

Romans 12:15 asks us to “weep with those who weep.” That includes the caregiver’s tears before the death comes. Psalm 55:22 invites us to cast our burden on the Lord, and Jesus’ invitation in Matthew 11:28–30 to the weary and heavy-laden is for caregivers too.

What helps. The most helpful forms of support are often practical and specific.

• Meals, brought without needing to be returned.
• Respite: sitting with the patient so the caregiver can sleep, shop, attend worship, or take a walk.
• Errands, such as pharmacy trips and groceries.
• Rides to appointments.
• Telephone calls and short notes that do not require a reply.
• Help with yard work, laundry, and other household tasks.

Offer specific help (“I can come Tuesday from 2 to 4”) rather than the vague “Let me know if you need anything,” which puts the work of asking on the exhausted person.

Listening. Many caregivers have no one with whom to be honest. Listen without correcting or fixing. If the caregiver says, “Some days I feel I cannot do this,” do not answer with a quick reassurance. Say, “That sounds heavy. Tell me more.”

Spiritual needs. Caregivers may have little time for worship, prayer, or Scripture and may feel far from God. Offer to pray, to bring a short devotion, or to share worship with them at home. Remind them gently that God does not require perfect devotion from tired people.

No judgment about hard decisions. Families sometimes must decide on professional help at home, assisted living, or nursing care. These decisions are painful and often made with great love and little choice. The church’s role is to support, not to judge. A family that moves a spouse into nursing care has not abandoned him; it has made a hard decision, and it needs the church more than before.

Lay care traditions. The research file points to Kenneth Haugk’s Christian Caregiving: A Way of Life, a practical lay-care resource from the Stephen Ministry tradition, which emphasizes listening, confidentiality, and knowing when to refer. We have not consulted it directly; confirm details before teaching.[27]

Plain-Language Definitions

• Caregiver: a family member, friend, or neighbor who provides ongoing help to someone who cannot manage alone.
• Respite: a break from caregiving, provided by someone else who steps in.
• Anticipatory grief: sorrow felt before a death or major loss because it is expected.
• Caregiver fatigue: deep tiredness, physical and emotional, from long-term caregiving.

Examples

A composite example, not a real person. Daniel cares for his wife, Joan, who has advanced Parkinson’s disease. He no longer goes to church because he cannot leave her. Two men from his Sunday school class say, “We are coming Saturday at ten. Joan, would you like us to read to you? Daniel, you go for a walk.” Daniel walks for an hour, sits on a bench, and cries for the first time in months. When he returns, no one asks him to explain.

Biblical example. Aaron and Hur in Exodus 17 simply did what was needed to hold Moses’ arms steady.

Pastoral Cautions

• Do not tell caregivers what they “should” do about care arrangements.
• Do not say, “You are so strong” or “God won’t give you more than you can handle”; these phrases can silence honest struggle.
• Do not assume you know what the family needs; ask.
• Watch for signs that a caregiver is overwhelmed, depressed, or unsafe, and encourage them to speak with a doctor or counselor. If they speak of ending their life, stay with them and contact 988 (call or text, United States) or 911.[28]
• Report suspected abuse or neglect to the proper authorities.
• Respect confidentiality about what you learn.

Practical Application

1. Ask the caregiver, “How are you, not the patient?” and wait for an answer.
2. Offer specific help, with day and time.
3. Organize a rotation of meals, rides, and visits so that no one person is overburdened.
4. Provide respite so the caregiver can attend worship or rest.
5. Make a short call or send a card each week.
6. Listen without advice.
7. Pray with the caregiver, if welcomed, for strength, sleep, and wisdom.
8. Acknowledge anticipatory grief as real.
9. Support the family’s decisions about care without judgment.
10. Keep helping after the death, since caregivers often feel lost when the role ends.

Reflection Questions

Discussion Questions

1. What does the story of Aaron and Hur teach us about supporting those who lead or care?
2. Why might Jesus’ invitation to rest in Mark 6:31 matter for caregivers?
3. How can we speak about anticipatory grief without minimizing the hope we have in Christ?

Application Questions

1. Who in our church is a caregiver, and what do they need this month?
2. How could we organize a simple, dependable respite ministry?
3. What phrases do we need to stop saying to tired caregivers?

Personal Reflection

If you are or have been a caregiver, recall what helped and what hurt. If you have not been, imagine one week of a caregiver’s life, and ask God what one practical gift you could offer.

Suggested Prayer

Lord Jesus, you invite the weary to come to you. Hold up the arms of those who care for the sick and aging. Give them rest, patience, and friends who stay. Forgive their guilt, comfort their grief, and keep us ready to help. Make us a church where no burden is carried alone. Amen.

Recommended Resources

Not directly consulted this session.[29]

• Kenneth C. Haugk, Christian Caregiving: A Way of Life: a lay-care resource from the Stephen Ministry tradition.
• Henri Nouwen, The Wounded Healer: on compassion and shared humanity.
• Gerald L. Sittser, A Grace Disguised: on loss and the long road of grief.

Presence at the End of Life and After Death

Significance

Near the end of life, many words become unnecessary and a calm presence becomes precious. Families often fear saying the wrong thing, and visitors often stay away for the same reason. Yet Scripture teaches that the dying are not alone, because the Good Shepherd walks with them through the valley, and that death does not have the last word. Presence at this time means sitting, praying briefly, singing, holding a hand when welcomed, and caring for the family. After the death, presence continues in the funeral, the meals, the weeks that follow, and the first long year.

Key Biblical Texts

John 14:1–3 “Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.”

Revelation 21:3–4 “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

Other passages discussed below are Psalm 23; Psalm 90; Romans 8:18–39; 2 Corinthians 4:16–5:8; and 1 Thessalonians 4:13–18.[30]

Theological Explanation

God is present in the valley. Psalm 23:4 says, “You are with me.” The psalm does not remove the valley or the shadow. It places God’s company inside them. For a dying person, the nearest comfort may be this old promise, spoken quietly.

Christ has gone ahead. In John 14:1–6 Jesus speaks to troubled disciples on the night before his death. He does not scold their fear. He says that he is going to prepare a place and that he will come again to receive them, and he calls himself the way, the truth, and the life. This is not a theory about death but a promise from the One who has been through it. Romans 8:18–39 reaches the same conclusion from another direction: neither death nor life can separate believers from the love of God in Christ Jesus. Paul in 2 Corinthians 4:16–5:8 says that though the outer person is wasting away, the inner person is renewed day by day, and he speaks of being at home with the Lord.

Hope that does not silence sorrow. In 1 Thessalonians 4:13–18 Paul writes so that believers will not grieve “as others who have no hope.” He does not say that they should not grieve. The Greek verb used of believers who have died is κοιμάω, to fall asleep, a gentle image for the death of Christians (to confirm in BDAG).[31] The word “comfort” in verse 18 comes from παρακαλέω, the same family of words as Paraclete, the Comforter (to confirm in BDAG).[32] The comfort is meant to be given to one another, which is exactly what presence does. We never use the hope of resurrection to hush a grieving person. We hold hope and sorrow in the same hand, as Jesus did at Lazarus’s tomb.

The new creation. Revelation 21:3–4 says that God himself will dwell with his people and wipe away every tear. The whole biblical story of God’s presence moves toward this.

The role of the church. The research file lists what the church can offer at the end of life: prayer, Scripture, communion, family support, companionship, reconciliation when possible, help with practical needs, support for caregivers, funeral preparation, continued care for survivors, and assurance of the promises of Christ. Each of these is a way of being present.

Near death. The file also describes how presence may look when a person can no longer converse: sitting quietly, holding a hand when welcomed, reading a familiar Psalm, praying briefly, singing a familiar hymn, offering a simple assurance of God’s love, allowing periods of rest, supporting family members, and refusing to force conversation. The goal is not a dramatic spiritual moment. It is to accompany the person with love, dignity, truth, and hope. We should not claim to know what a person perceives; speaking gently to them honors them either way.

Medical care and comfort. Hospice and comfort care aim to ease pain and support the person and family rather than to cure illness, according to the research file, which cites the National Institute on Aging page on providing care and comfort at the end of life. We were unable to retrieve that page this session, so we make no specific claims from it.[33] Doctors, nurses, hospice teams, and chaplains are partners. The visitor never advises about medications, feeding, or treatment. These are decisions for the family and the medical team.

Reconciliation. Dying often brings old hurts to the surface. A visitor can gently make room for an apology, a word of thanks, or a blessing, but must not force it. Where families are estranged, the church can pray and help them make contact, always at the person’s pace.

Our Greatest Gift. Henri Nouwen’s Our Greatest Gift, as described in the research file, presents dying and caring for the dying as part of faithful discipleship and as a gift we give to one another. We have not consulted it directly; confirm before teaching.[34]

After death. Presence does not end at the moment of death. In the first hours and days the family needs calm help more than speeches. A first visit may be only a hug, a prayer, and a question about what would help. The funeral and the viewing are acts of the whole church: we gather to give thanks for a life, to commit the person to God, to speak the gospel plainly, and to hold up the grieving. Meals, rides for out-of-town relatives, and help with phone calls are part of this ministry. In the weeks after, when other people go back to normal life, the grieving often feel most alone, so the church keeps calling. Remember the first birthday, the first anniversary of the death, the first Christmas, and the first year as a whole. Say the person’s name, and invite stories. The church also remembers: in prayer, in a memorial gift, in a note on the anniversary. Nouwen’s A Letter of Consolation, according to the research file, speaks to the long spiritual work of grief; we have not consulted it directly and flag it for confirmation.[35] For fuller teaching on bereavement, see the section on grief in this study.

Plain-Language Definitions

• Hospice: care that focuses on comfort and quality of life for a person near the end of life, and also supports the family.
• Comfort care: treatment meant to relieve pain and distress rather than to cure.
• Funeral: a gathering of the church to worship, remember, and commend the person to God.

Examples

A composite example, not a real person. Eleanor, 91, is in her final days at home with hospice nurses. Her pastor and her friend Ruth come in the afternoon. They do not talk much. Ruth holds Eleanor’s hand, and the pastor reads Psalm 23 slowly. Then they sing “Abide with Me” softly. Eleanor does not speak, but her breathing eases. They leave when the daughter returns, and the daughter says, “Thank you for not making it a performance.”

Biblical example. Jesus’ tender words in John 14 were spoken to frightened friends, not to a crowd, and they were short, warm, and full of promise.

Pastoral Cautions

• Do not promise recovery, or tell the family that a death could have been avoided by prayer or faith.
• Do not say that someone is “in a better place” in a way that silences tears.
• Do not give medical advice, or comment on decisions about treatment.
• Do not assume what a person believes or force a conversion moment at the bedside; speak of God’s love gently and honestly.
• If death seems imminent and no help is present, or in any emergency, call 911. If anyone speaks of ending their life, call or text 988 (United States).[36]
• Care for yourself, since being near death is demanding.

Practical Application

1. Ask the family what they want before visiting, and keep visits short.
2. Sit quietly; resist the urge to fill silence.
3. Read a familiar Psalm, such as Psalm 23, in a steady, quiet voice.
4. Sing a hymn the person loves, softly.
5. Offer a short prayer, perhaps only a few lines.
6. Hold a hand only if welcomed.
7. Support the family with food, rest, and presence; offer to sit so they can sleep.
8. Make room for reconciliation, never forcing it.
9. After the death, visit soon, help with the funeral, and bring meals.
10. Keep remembering: call in the weeks after, mark anniversaries, and say the name.

Reflection Questions

Discussion Questions

1. What does Psalm 23:4 promise, and what does it not promise?
2. How do 1 Thessalonians 4:13–18 and John 11 together help us hold hope and sorrow?
3. Why is it important to treat the funeral as an act of the whole church?

Application Questions

1. How can our congregation better support families during hospice care?
2. Who among us could be trained to sit quietly with the dying and the bereaved?
3. What plan do we have to remember people a year after a death?

Personal Reflection

Think about your own mortality, gently. What would you want near you at the end? Offer that wish to God, and consider whom you might one day sit beside.

Suggested Prayer

Lord, you walk with us through the valley. Be near those who are dying, and near those who love them. Give peace to the frightened and rest to the weary. Make us faithful friends in the last days and in the long days after. Hold us all in your love. Amen.

Recommended Resources

Not directly consulted this session.[37]

• Henri Nouwen, Our Greatest Gift: on aging, dying, and caring.
• Henri Nouwen, A Letter of Consolation: on bereavement and the work of grief.
• Thomas C. Oden, Pastoral Theology: Essentials of Ministry: pastoral care, suffering, death, and grief.

Bibliography

Directly Retrieved/Verified This Session

Lausanne Movement. “Following Jesus in a World of Suffering and Violence.” Lausanne Occasional Paper 62. https://lausanne.org/occasional-paper/following-jesus-in-a-world-of-suffering-and-violence-lop-62-f. Read for the cross as God not untouched by suffering and the church’s call to practical compassion.

Lausanne Movement. “Turning the Church’s Attention to Mental Health.” https://lausanne.org/global-analysis/turning-the-churchs-attention-to-mental-health. Read for the church’s role in whole-person care and cooperation with professionals.

Henri Nouwen Society. Reaching Out discussion guide. https://henrinouwen.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Reaching-Out.pdf. Read for Nouwen’s three movements and the hospitality themes.

Henri Nouwen Society. “Book Club: The Wounded Healer.” https://www.henrinouwen.org/events/book-club-the-wounded-healer. The Society’s description of the book, paraphrased.

National Institute on Aging. “Loneliness and Social Isolation.” https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/loneliness-and-social-isolation. Read for general points on connection, aging, and health.

The Gospel Coalition Canada. “What Is Lament and How to Help Others Lament?” https://ca.thegospelcoalition.org/article/what-is-lament-and-how-to-help-others-lament/. Read for the definition of lament and the pattern of lament psalms.

Not Directly Consulted This Session

• Bonhoeffer, Dietrich. Life Together.
• Buber, Martin. I and Thou.
• Haugk, Kenneth C. Christian Caregiving: A Way of Life.
• Hauerwas, Stanley. Suffering Presence.
• Lewis, C. S. A Grief Observed; The Problem of Pain.
• Nouwen, Henri J. M. The Wounded Healer; Reaching Out; Compassion; The Living Reminder; Out of Solitude; The Way of the Heart; In the Name of Jesus; Adam: God’s Beloved; A Letter of Consolation; Our Greatest Gift.
• Oden, Thomas C. Pastoral Theology: Essentials of Ministry.
• Root, Andrew. The Relational Pastor; Christopraxis.
• Sittser, Gerald L. A Grace Disguised.
• Swinton, John. Raging with Compassion; Dementia: Living in the Memories of God.
• Tournier, Paul. A Listening Ear; The Meaning of Persons.
• Vroegop, Mark. Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy.
• Wolfelt, Alan D. Companioning the Bereaved.
• Wolterstorff, Nicholas. Lament for a Son.
• BDAG; TDNT; NIDNTTE; HALOT (lexicons cited for word meanings, flagged “to confirm” in the text).

Scripture quotations are from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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[1] “What Is Lament and How to Help Others Lament?” The Gospel Coalition Canada, https://ca.thegospelcoalition.org/article/what-is-lament-and-how-to-help-others-lament/ (retrieved this session; paraphrased).

[2] Mark Vroegop, Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, as described in the research file, sec. 11; from the research file and general knowledge; not directly consulted; confirm before teaching.

[3] Wolterstorff, Lament for a Son; Lewis, A Grief Observed and The Problem of Pain; Sittser, A Grace Disguised; Wolfelt, Companioning the Bereaved; and Nouwen, A Letter of Consolation, as described in the research file, secs. 10 and 11; from the research file and general knowledge; not directly consulted; confirm before teaching. Lexical remarks on ἐμβριμάομαι in text: to confirm in BDAG.

[4] Contact details for 911 and the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline are for the United States; confirm current contact details before teaching.

[5] Titles listed from the research file, secs. 10 and 11; from the research file and general knowledge; not directly consulted; confirm before teaching.

[6] New King James Version (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1982). The required NKJV copyright acknowledgment belongs in the assembled document.

[7] Lexical sense of ἀσθένεια as weakness or illness: to confirm in Walter Bauer, Frederick W. Danker, et al., A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature (BDAG), 3rd ed. (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2000); not consulted this session.

[8] Lexical sense of ἐπισκέπτομαι: to confirm in BDAG; not consulted this session.

[9] Henri J. M. Nouwen, Reaching Out (hospitality), and The Wounded Healer, as summarized in the author’s research file; from the research file and general knowledge; not directly consulted; confirm before teaching.

[10] Lausanne Movement, “Turning the Church’s Attention to Mental Health,” Global Analysis, https://lausanne.org/global-analysis/turning-the-churchs-attention-to-mental-health (retrieved this session; summary only).

[11] United States emergency number 911; 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988). Confirm current contact details before teaching.

[12] Nouwen, Vroegop, and Tournier titles are listed in the author’s research file; from the research file and general knowledge; not directly consulted this session; confirm before teaching.

[13] New King James Version (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1982). Passages cited by reference only are not quoted.

[14] Lexical senses of שֵׂיבָה and זָקֵן: to confirm in Francis Brown, S. R. Driver, and Charles A. Briggs, A Hebrew and English Lexicon of the Old Testament (BDB), and Ludwig Koehler and Walter Baumgartner, The Hebrew and Aramaic Lexicon of the Old Testament (HALOT); not consulted this session.

[15] Henri J. M. Nouwen’s writings on aging and on Adam Arnett, as described in the author’s research file; from the research file and general knowledge; not directly consulted; confirm before teaching.

[16] National Institute on Aging, “Loneliness and Social Isolation,” https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/loneliness-and-social-isolation (retrieved this session; the page states general points and gives no statistics).

[17] United States emergency number 911; confirm current contact details and local reporting channels (such as adult protective services) before teaching.

[18] Titles are listed in the author’s research file; from the research file and general knowledge; not directly consulted this session; confirm before teaching.

[19] New King James Version (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1982).

[20] Lexical senses of שָׁכַח and חָקַק: to confirm in BDB and HALOT; not consulted this session.

[21] John Swinton, Dementia: Living in the Memories of God (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2012), as summarized in the author’s research file; from the research file and general knowledge; not directly consulted; confirm before teaching. No quotation is given.

[22] United States emergency number 911; confirm current contact details and local reporting channels before teaching.

[23] Swinton and Nouwen titles are listed in the author’s research file; from the research file and general knowledge; not directly consulted this session; confirm before teaching.

[24] New King James Version (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1982).

[25] Lexical sense of βάρος: to confirm in BDAG; not consulted this session.

[26] Lexical sense of ἀναπαύω: to confirm in BDAG; not consulted this session.

[27] Kenneth C. Haugk, Christian Caregiving: A Way of Life (Minneapolis: Augsburg), as described in the author’s research file; from the research file and general knowledge; not directly consulted; confirm before teaching.

[28] 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988, United States) and 911. Confirm current contact details before teaching.

[29] Haugk, Nouwen, and Sittser titles are listed in the author’s research file; from the research file and general knowledge; not directly consulted this session; confirm before teaching.

[30] New King James Version (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1982).

[31] Lexical sense of κοιμάω: to confirm in BDAG; not consulted this session.

[32] Lexical sense of παρακαλέω: to confirm in BDAG; not consulted this session.

[33] National Institute on Aging, “Providing Care and Comfort at the End of Life,” https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/end-life/providing-care-and-comfort-end-life; cited in the research file but not retrieved this session (the fetch failed), so no specific claims are drawn from it.

[34] Henri J. M. Nouwen, Our Greatest Gift: A Meditation on Dying and Caring, as described in the author’s research file; from the research file and general knowledge; not directly consulted; confirm before teaching.

[35] Henri J. M. Nouwen, A Letter of Consolation, as described in the author’s research file; from the research file and general knowledge; not directly consulted; confirm before teaching.

[36] United States emergency number 911 and 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988). Confirm current contact details before teaching.

[37] Nouwen and Oden titles are listed in the author’s research file; from the research file and general knowledge; not directly consulted this session; confirm before teaching.